Possible Titles for Our Unwritten Book

There’s practically a baby boom happening around me. I love, love, love any baby snuggles that I can sneak in, but just a look at the exhausted parents of a newborn revs up my PTSD. Flashbacks of inconsolable, relentless crying and feelings of inadequacy leave me diaphoretic. Don’t get me wrong. I adore my children and being a mom, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The delightful emotions that go along with all of the hugs, smiles, kisses, and accomplished milestones are indescribable, but I’m all about keeping it real, too.


Going from married and childless to being the parents of one baby boy was rocky for us. Yes, I think I can also safely speak for my husband on this one. There was simply no way we could have physically, emotionally, or mentally prepared for this transition. Even if everyone in the world told us while I was pregnant that there would be parts about parenthood and the infant stage that would really, really suck be difficult, our imaginary perfect parent la-la land that we were living in would have impaired our ability to fully grasp what was being said anyway. Plus, no one wants to be that person to rain on an expecting mother’s parade and tell it like it is, so everyone just chooses to lie instead. When’s the last time a pregnant mother asked you what she should expect when the baby arrives? Did you respond to her with advice about cracked nipples, reflux, zombie land, breasts the size of Texas, creative tips for putting a stop to the wailing, 3rd degree tears, or depression? Didn’t think so.

Over our supper tonight, we were reminiscing about our early days of parenting and all the real feelings and emotional states (just to name a few…frustration, failure, disappointment in ourselves, delirium) that we still associate with our first months of parenthood and why no one can be upfront with soon-to-be parents. It was at this point that Steve said, “We should write a book about it. Maybe it could be called Your Parenting Skills Will Disappoint You or Welcome to the Land of Failure.”

That’s when we started brainstorming possible titles for our non-existent book focusing on the realities of parenting an infant. (Remember: We do truly love our little blessings, but our sense of humor is twisted.)

I Know Why the Post-Partum Mommy Cries


Need a Humbling Experience? Have a Baby.


One Foot in the Toilet: When Your Parenting has Turned to Crap


Realistic Parenting: Accepting That You Don’t Know What You’re Doing and You Never Will


The Biggest Loser: You as a Parent


Despicable Me


Seamless Transition to Parenthood: A Common Myth


And You Thought Pregnancy Was Exhausting


Are You There God? It’s Me, Katie.


Don’t Move! The Baby’s Sleeping


What to Really Expect the First Year


Sleep Deprivation, Leaking, and Insanity


So, You’re Not That Good of a Mom After All


Smoke, Pray, Love: A Guide to Surviving Colic


The Diaper is Full of !@*# and So are All of the People Who Talk About Their Children Sleeping Through the Night

I know we’re not the only ones with sick humor (or are we?), so feel free to join in our fun!