My Confession/Rant

With just a few wrapped Christmas gifts left under our tree, I've got a confession to make.
Are you ready for this?
 I don't understand gifts.
 You read that correctly.
 I don't understand gifts.
 I don't get the whole tangible gift giving or receiving thing...not one little bit. 

Now before you label me as selfish or heartless, allow me to clarify.
I like giving gifts to children, mine included.  And I don't mean in a creepy I-have-some-candy-for-you-little-kid sort of way.  I love to see the utter delight in a child's eyes as he is preparing to unveil the prized treasure.  This I understand, and this is fun.  That's probably why our two kids are spoiled (rotten!). 

I think people deserve to be thanked, and sometimes a little gift or token of appreciation is warranted.  Teachers, employees, volunteers and a slew of other people deserve far more than they are paid.  Not that a gift card to a coffee place is enough to compensate them, but when it comes to this stuff, I feel that it's truly the thought that counts.

I also like helping people out.  Buying a hot meal for a cold homeless man, donating to a charity, packing up a shoebox with items for an underprivileged child, paying for a neighbor's overdue water bill, delivering a meal, arranging a night out with a friend...all things that I am called to do and enjoy doing. There's a time and place in everyone's life (i.e. illness, death, job loss, colicky baby (yes, that is a major life crisis) for a little neighborly and family assistance, but that kind of help can't be topped off with a bow.   Need someone to watch your kids while you run errands?  I'd love to.  Just ask.

If I ever happen upon an item within my budget that I know my mom or someone special to me would enjoy or need, I buy it and give it to that person.  Sometimes it is not even Christmas!  Gasp!

What I cannot get through my itty, bitty brain is why adults give tangible things to one another just because it's a certain occasion (i.e. Christmas, anniversary, birthday, wedding).  I don't think I'm like the Grinch as the spirit of Christmas usually fills me up.  I do love to be generous in many ways that aren't wrapped up and put under a tree, so a comparison to Scrooge isn't accurate either.  I simply don't get this present thing though.

In fact, buying an adult a gift stresses me out.  There's nothing warm and fuzzy about it.  First of all, I don't know what a family member or friend already has or wants or needs.  I certainly would hate to disappoint them or waste my time shopping for a gift that sucks.   Secondly, what adults really want or need is too expensive for most personal budgets.  Sure, we all probably have home remodels, dream vacations, L series camera lenses (ok, maybe not all of us), and elective surgeries on our wish lists, but that's just not something that the average family member can afford to give in a Christmas gift exchange.  Furthermore, who really holds off on certain purchases in hopes of receiving them for the holidays?  Not me.  In fact, I've never done that.  I evaluate my resources, weigh the want vs. really want factor, (endlessly) research prospective purchases, and buy the item...desired size, model, brand, color and all.  Why on Earth would I wait for December 25th to roll around to get new wooden spoons or socks? 

That leads into another topic:  gift lists or registries.  A list chock full of desired items is sure to make things easier for the gifter.  No doubt about it.  This realist doesn't want to come off as Negative Nellie, but talk about taking the "it's the thought that counts" right out of gift giving.  Of course, giving someone a list of specific things that you expect them to "give" you just because it's a certain day on the calendar might be viewed as helpful, but this also seems greedy, assumptive, and impersonal to me.

Now, just because I'm unable to comprehend this present thing, I surely like to receive gifts, right?   Actually, I'm quite uncomfortable opening and receiving presents, too.  Downright anxious, in fact.  I can honestly say that I would be ok never receiving a tangible gift just because it's a special occasion.  I know for certain that if my husband had me look out the window on Christmas morning  to see a Lexus with a giant bow atop it, I would be angry.  Really angry. 

Any idea what my love language isn't?  If you haven't read that book and you love someone, you need to. 

My take on a few scenarios...

Parents give adult children cash for Christmas.  Adult children give parents gift card to restaurant. 
My take:  Dumb.  This is simply an exchange of money.  No thought, feeling, or love is going on from either party.  Why doesn't everyone just keep their own money and say "Merry Christmas" instead?  (This is exactly what happens in my family and will likely continue for years to come.)

Each person in a group gives a present to each person in the group.
My take:  Dumb.  This is expensive, stressful, and leads to the accumulation of lots of useless stuff.  Why doesn't everyone just keep their own money and say "Merry Christmas" instead?

A group draws names and sets a spending limit.
My take:  Dumb.  Either a) no one gets what they want and has one more thing to add to the daily clutter or b) everyone receives exactly what they wanted and needed because they gave specific instructions on what should be given or c) the pouter in the group can't keep his mouth shut or forgets his manners and makes everyone feel uncomfortable.  Why doesn't everyone just keep their own money and say "Merry Christmas" instead?  (I've been involved with this before.  Stressful!)

Everyone in a group buys and wraps a generic gift and plays a version of a pass-around game.
My take:  Dumb.  People end up spending money on unnecessary junk.  People end up with unnecessary junk to add to the daily clutter or give away in their church group's white elephant exchange.  Why doesn't everyone just keep their own money and say "Merry Christmas" instead?

Someone gives you a gift, so out of obligation you get them one in return.
My take:  Dumb.  Aren't you just encouraging them to keep giving you gifts?  Why doesn't everyone just keep their own money and say "Merry Christmas" instead? 

A husband gives a wife a gift even after agreeing to a "no gift" policy for this Christmas.
My take:  Dumb.  He knows that, regardless of how awesome the present, the wife will react by saying, "Why did you do this?  You weren't supposed to.  I didn't get you anything.  Did you research this?  How much did this cost?"  Why doesn't he just keep his/your money and say "Merry Christmas" instead?  (This is exactly what happens at our house every. single. year.  Will he ever learn?  This year, however, I was able to dig through a stack of papers sitting on our counter top and hand him an exercise calendar that I prepared for him (with love).  Two can play this game.)

Giver(s) exceed set spending limit or personal budget.
My take:  Dumb.  This just sets the stage for unsightly competition and hefty credit card debt.  Why doesn't everyone just keep their own money and say "Merry Christmas" instead?

Well, now that I've put it all out there, this doesn't mean I don't want or need any gifts, just not the ones that keep retailers in business. What makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside? Well, since you asked...uninterrupted, meaningful conversations with my husband; fun experiences and time together as a family; and vacuumed floors and laundry that is put away. Now those are bundles of joy! 

What's your take?