The Answer is No

J: Your tummy looks big today. Do you have a baby in there?

My New Hobby

I'm a bit of a control freak, so instead of being absolutely grateful when my dear husband surprised me with a new camera last fall, I was a little upset. Like a baby, I pouted and acted disinterested because I had no say in the what, where, when, why, and how much. And now you all know where my children learned this behavior...surprise!

Anyway, it took me a while to become familiar with this new and complicated device, but I was able to give it the true test when we went to California last November.




Steve, I'm sorry I was so ridiculous!

The results prompted me to consider the possibilities, and I had an idea for our own photo session at home. With a white sheet and a few letters made out of card stock, we were ready to go. After an hour of clicking, some time on the computer, a little frustration, and an abundance of naughty words going through my head, the major lesson in all of this was clear: Never try this without my husband's help. Let's just say the kids weren't exactly the easiest targets which led to a not so nice mommy. Every time I pull out the camera, J still says, "I don't want to play this picture game." However, the end result was better than I had expected.

When my friend received her valentine in the mail, she asked if I would be interested in spending camera time with her handsome guy.
Here's Maxx...





Thanks for letting me borrow him! This was such a good learning experience for me.

YUCK

Immediately after changing E's soiled diaper but before filling the bathtub last evening, I took a potty break. Having surrendered all of my rights to privacy when I became a mother, I did not even bat an eyelash when E ran into the bathroom. She pointed at me sitting on the toilet. With much conviction, she shouted, "Yuck! Yuck!" I quickly chimed in to correct her by saying, "No, honey. No yuck. No poopy...just potty." Before exiting the bathroom, she again pointed and repeated, "Yuck! Yuck!"

After washing my hands, I headed out into the living room to round up the troops for bath time. There I found sweet E pointing at a steaming pile of feces on the carpet. She kindly looked at me with an "I told you so look" and again said, "Yuck."

Why don't scenes like this make the cover of Parenting magazine?

Bad Guy

Last night E and I were reading a Snow White book. I would point to a picture of someone or something and ask her who or what it was. When I pointed to the wicked queen, she responded, "Bad guy."



Of course this would be the response of a toddler girl whose older brother spends the majority of his waking hours in a fantasy superhero world.

Tired

Just another reason why I don't rely on my four year old to boost my self-esteem...

Me: I'm tired today.

J: That's because you are SO old.

Dreadful Chore

With this horrific scene before me



and two more loads in process, I remembered a text that I recently sent my husband.

"i want to win the lottery so i can buy a piano & learn to play it while someone else is doing our laundry"

Is this too much to ask?

Quality Time

Usually our car is filled with noise. It’s generally music or chatter, but noise nonetheless. Last week I was driving the kids home from daycare, and we had a rare quiet moment in the car. J broke the silence by solemnly stating, “I think I’m going to die young.”

As a parent, this was unsettling to hear. No mom wants to imagine losing her child at any age. Our conversation went on to reveal that by young he meant “around 20” and his cause of death will be due to “getting really sick.”

Time will tell if his prophecies will play out. I don’t know what our future will bring; however, J’s words are not going to cause me any lost sleep. That will be due to the late night blogging and the super hero dreams he has been having. I do know that God is faithful and good ALL the time and has promised us more than this world could ever offer to us.

I also know that this was a much needed reminder to consider how I’ve been spending time with my family lately. I spend a fair amount of time with my family, but unfortunately I’ve allowed the ever so important “quality” characteristic to slip away. It’s time to get back on track. So if you’ll excuse me, I have two sweethearts to play with today.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em...or not

On our morning drive to daycare we saw a garbage man smoking while dumping out a trash can.

Stating the obvious, I commented, "He's smoking and taking out the garbage." In a matter-of-fact tone, J replied, "Bad for him...he's gonna die prematurely."

There's no denying it. My four year old has inherited my realist gene.

Daddy's Secret Recipe

Daddy received great feedback on this delicious snack today. After a moment of hesitation, he released the recipe for publication. Enjoy!

Daddy's Specialty (complete with step-by-step instructions and pictures)

Ingredients:
Cheerios
Fat free milk

Supplies:
small plastic storage container
children's spoon


Step 1: Pour desired amount of Cheerios into plastic storage container.

Step 2: Add desired amount of milk.

Step 3: Insert spoon.

Step 4: Serve immediately.





Reviewed and recommended by J: "This is the best food ever. Thank you for making this, Daddy. You are so talented!."

By following these steps exactly, you may be receiving rave reviews on your culinary skills as well.

R.I.P.

Thanks for the great memories, Sunshine Girl. Our only regret...naming you before we learned that snails are hermaphroditic creatures.

Update

I figured those of you who have lost sleep and required a double does of Xanax as a result of my dangling toenail photo needed a little update.

The dangler only hanging on by skin.




The separation is complete. Oh, the carnage! The chunk of skin that also departed is as equally impressive as the toenail itself.



The end product. This will make for a lovely flip-flop and sandal season.




Who wants to go for a run?

Sweet memories

This week my sweet cousin will walk across the stage to receive her high school diploma. This fine, young woman has had some really tough life experiences (understatement of the year!), yet she now has this accomplishment to call her own. Way to go, Jessi! I’m so proud of you!



But what’s a milestone without a little reminiscing?

(Insert the strange soap opera flashback music here.)

I grew up in a house full of boys and have a father who is manic about athletics. The sport of choice rotated based upon what season it was. So as we grew up, the contents of the toy box changed from blocks and cars to any and every type of sporting equipment.

One day my aunt and her four children stopped by the house to visit. Her oldest daughter, Jessi, was probably four to six years old at the time. She started rummaging through the sports balls and helmets while the rest of us were talking. She soon interrupted the conversation. With an athletic protective cup (you know, the device that protects delicate boy parts) pressed over her nose and mouth, Jessi announced, “Look, Mom. I’m a doctor!”



Jessi, thanks for the great laugh and for granting me permission to share this story. Each and every time this memory pops into my mind, I literally laugh out loud. I will never forget the way your mom cracked up. I can close my eyes and hear her giggling. That laugh is one of my favorite memories of your mom. She would be so proud of her beautiful lady with a diploma in hand. Love you bunches.

It's Not My Fault

My last post about motherhood was truly from my heart, so I didn't want to ruin it by trying to make excuses for my daughter's hair.

I can't just let it go, however. It was really windy on the day those photos were taken. Plus, her hair is at an extremely awkward stage. Not to mention that I completely ruined all chances of her leaving in any pigtails, bows, or barrettes because I didn't slap an enormous bow and band on her little noggin the moment the umbilical cord was severed.

Now, I find myself over-analyzing the hair of any toddler girl. A head covered in long, thick, flowing locks is a rarity. Whether the hair is carefully pulled in pigtails or left unattended, the final result is the same. They all have weird hair.

A normal person doesn't even dwell on the state of a baby's hair, so I shouldn't either. I've decided it's not really worth the fight or worry, so I'll continue to let her sport the baby mullet. When it comes down to it, this really is the only time of life that it's even remotely cool.

Blessed

I thought I had myself all figured out, but then I became a mother.

God has used motherhood as an avenue to slowly reveal so much about me to me. It’s allowed me the opportunity (between loads of laundry, dirty diapers, and wiping pee off the bathroom floor) to reflect upon my priorities, goals, skills, weaknesses, and flaws. The majority of what has been unveiled has not always been easy to accept, so I’m thankful that this revelation has been more of a slow process rather than a quick draw of a curtain.

I could go on for days about all the things that have become so clear to me since the two pink lines magically appeared before my eyes nearly five years ago. Today as I celebrate my fourth Mother’s Day as a mom, one lesson is so clear… I AM BLESSED! I love being a mom. The indescribable, yet imperfect love I have for my babies is just a taste of the perfect love that our Father God has for me. There is nothing more comforting than knowing and feeling that love.

I have a LONG way to go in my quest for living a more selfless life, but having the privilege and responsibility to show God’s love to these miracles makes it all worth it.

Repulsive Beasts

Today I donned real shoes for the first time since the marathon. I even attempted a run. Unfortunately, my right knee pain returned just a few blocks after beginning, so no runner's high for me. The poor, overworked joint apparently needs a little more time to recover. Waiting to get back into a running regimen will certainly be a test of my patience, so I'll have to explore other activities to fill the void.

This afternoon I did just that. In honor of my 26.2 mile accomplishment, two of my greatest running cheerleaders so generously gifted me with money for a pedicure. However, I wouldn't wish these repulsive beasts into the hands of my worst enemy.







Ladies, I truly am grateful for your thoughtfulness, so I hope you won't be offended that I resorted to Plan B...a massage.

Let's Make a Deal

Garage sale season is upon us and my family, namely my husband, couldn't be happier. Steve loves to search for the treasures hidden among other people's used items. (The realist in me would state this differently: Steve loves to rummage through other people's unorganized crap for things we could live without.) He lives for the negotiating and great deals, and he's good at it too. His patience is admirable. By the way, if you are looking for a particular item, let him know. He appreciates a challenge!

I, however, lack the tolerance and patience it takes to be a garage sale die hard. I can endure a few sales on occasion, but if finding a deal requires dragging two kids all over town to see half full bottles of shampoo and used lingerie, no thanks.

Thanks to his love for a deal, we are now the proud owners of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a variety of Star Wars items, and a plethora of other toys for merely a fraction of retail value. But the steal of the season is this $20 beauty...





Of course, the lovely little people playing make this find priceless.

Princess

A couple of months ago I was asking E random questions. Our Q & A session ended with, "What's your name?" She confidently responded, "Princess." I was definitely shocked by her answer. Although I have to admit it was cute and funny, I was more appalled than anything else.

For those of you who know me, I definitely don't meet the criteria to be classified as an extreme girly-girl. I hate shopping. I only scream if extremely terrified or startled. I have no sense of fashion or the desire to achieve a sense of fashion. The only jewelry I wear is my wedding ring. Our home is simple. Minimal decorations and wall hangings equal less dusting. Plus, no one really is able to see beyond the excessive amount of toys littered around the entire house. I don't understand cheerleaders or sororities. Acrylic nails and hair dye are too much work. My favorite day at work was sneaking away to witness an autopsy. I'd much rather watch or read a murder mystery than a cheesy romantic comedy.

However, I do have some characteristics that keep me in the girly realm. I refuse to mow the lawn. In fact, several summers ago my husband was gone for five weeks. Instead of mowing weekly like he would have, I asked my brother to mow once and then simply stopped watering. I like to have my toenails painted. I prefer baths over showers. I watch The Bachelor -- gasp!! I think camping is a ridiculous activity.

Ironically, God has blessed us with a princess, and I can't imagine her any other way.

It's about time!

I've been considering joining the world of bloggers for some time now.  So why today? 

Yesterday I ran my first full marathon.  Yep, that's right...26.2 miles.  Today it hurts to move.  The runner's high has faded.  Reality has hit.  Every skeletal muscle in my body is bathing in lactic acid.  I have blisters bigger than any I have ever seen before, and I'm certain that I'll be saying "goodbye" to two toenails.  This is what I signed up for, so I'm okay with it.  I've always thought that running is not an activity for the weak, but now I truly believe that.

Needless to say, I'm taking it easy today.  I'm in the house alone and don't have the energy or desire to clean or do laundry.  I've run out of topics to Google and checked Facebook multiple times, so hence the new blog.

I'm not completely sure what my intentions are for this blog.  More than anything, I've failed miserably as a mother and haven't documented one thing about the highlights of our daily living.  This will be a great avenue to start doing this.  My children are not unlike all the others out there.   They say and do the darndest things too, but my ability to remember these notable moments diminishes by the second.

I don't want to reveal everything about us today because no one would come back to visit.  Plus, my time is limited.  I'm feeling the urge to urinate and getting to the bathroom will take at least a painful five minutes.  So in a nutshell, I am...a believer in Jesus...a wife to a wonderfully funny man...a mom to two vibrant children...the only girl with four brothers...a registered nurse working part-time...a runner who finished a marathon...a beginner at crochet...developing an interest in photography...a friend who insists on keeping it real...a realist, not to be mistaken with a pessimist...not the biggest fan of furry pets...a colicky baby survivor...ready to pee my pants.

I'm sure there's more about me, but it better be left at that for today.  I know in the days ahead I'll be covering topics that are hilarious, joyful, and exciting along with feelings of sadness, despair, and frustration.  That's life, and I will make every effort to rejoice and be glad!

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 118:24